Tiger, We Hardly Knew Ye
Will de Kypia
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Tyger, Tyger, burning bright,
on the fairways of the night
—Roger the Beekeeper

          Say it ain't so, Tiger, say it isn't true,
          swear that it is just a pack of wicked
          lies spread by sleazy paparazzi spies.
   
          I'll bet you don't even know those ladies
          and would not touch them if you did since
          the only things you really care about are the
          game of golf, your wife, and of course the kids.

          Well, I'm trying to believe nothing happened,
          I hope the nasty rumors aren't true but a few
          people think drugs must have a grip on you.

          Are potent pharmaceuticals racing through
          your brain? Drugs you have to take to ease
          the ache of legs in such unbearable pain?

          Or were you seduced by ads touting Pfizer's
          magical pills? The little blue pills that make
          a man lust for extracurricular carnal thrills?

          No! You're not an arrogant adolescent
          clown, you are a genuine athletic hero,
          a guy who has earned his golden crown.

          So keep on playing your games, Tiger, play
          them hard and play to win, but never forget
          that cheating at love is also a very serious sin.

          Oh…and should you happen to get a chance
          give my very best to Lance and Shoeless Joe.

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