Say it ain't so, Tiger. Say not one word

                           of it is true. Say that it's all a pack of

                           lies spread by some paparazzi spies.

                           You don't even know those ladies,

                           would not touch them if you did.

                           The only things you care about

                           are golf and wife and the kids.

                           Well, that's what I used to think

                           but now I've got serious doubts.

                           Do you get emails touting cheap

                           Canadian pills? Tempting little

                           blue pills to make you lust for

                           extracurricular carnal thrills?

                           Are potent pharmaceuticals

                           coursing through your brain?

                           Meds you have to take to ease

                           the ache of legs in ghastly pain?

                           Tell us that it ain't so, Tiger,

                           you must swear it is not so!

                           And if you get a chance

                           please give our very best

                           to Lance and Shoeless Joe.