Say it ain't so, Tiger,

                           swear none of it is true,

                           that it's all a pack of lies

                           spread by paparazzi spies.

                           You don't even know those ladies

                           and would not touch them if you did

                           because the only things you care about

                           are golf, and your wife, and the kids.

                           Perhaps potent pharmaceuticals

                           were coursing through your brain,

                           meds you had to take to ease the

                           ache of legs in so much pain?

                           Or did you get enticing emails

                           touting cheap Canadian pills, the

                           kind of pills that make you lust

                           for extramarital carnal thrills?

                           We don't want to believe it, Tiger,

                           please tell us it's just not so. And

                           when you get a chance, give our

                           best to Lance and Shoeless Joe.